30 of The Worlds Funniest Voicemails

In today’s age of instant messaging and digital communication, the good old voicemail can seem a bit…outdated. But why let it be boring? If you’re looking to add some chuckles, giggles, or snickers to the mundane act of missing a call, you’ve come to the right place. Whether you’re aiming for light-hearted charm, cheeky wit, or unabashed silliness, this list from Profiles and Reviews has got you covered. So, the next time someone calls you and you’re off chasing dreams, hunting for unicorns, or merely lounging on the couch, let them be greeted by one of these gems. Dive in and pick your favorite!

  1. “Hi! You’ve reached [Your Name]. I’m currently screening calls from telemarketers. Please leave a message and if I determine you’re not trying to sell me something, I might call you back!”
  2. “Hello. If you are hearing this message, I have successfully avoided your call. Please leave your details and I’ll think about returning the favor.”
  3. “You’ve reached [Your Name], and I’m currently practicing my ninja moves. I’m probably sneaking up behind you right now. So, leave a message and I’ll surprise you later.”
  4. “Hey there! I can’t come to the phone right now because I was abducted by aliens. I’ll call you back once they’re done probing. Leave a message!”
  5. “This is [Your Name]’s voicemail. If you’re looking for the fridge, you’ve dialed the wrong number. But if you’re looking for me, leave a message!”
  6. “Hi, you’ve reached [Your Name]. I’m currently in a meeting with my bed and my blanket, discussing some serious sleep strategies. Please leave a message.”
  7. “Hello! If you’re hearing this, you’re in luck! I’m currently offering a special deal: Leave one message, get one callback! Act fast!”
  8. “You’ve reached the voicemail of [Your Name]. I’m either avoiding someone or I’m avoiding you. Take a guess and leave a message.”
  9. “Hey, it’s [Your Name]. I’m not here right now, but my shoes are. So, if you want to talk to them, leave a message.”
  10. “Congratulations! You’ve reached the least important part of my phone. Leave a message at the tone, and I’ll try to find a better spot for your call.”
  11. “You’ve reached [Your Name]. I’m not available right now because I’m busy chasing my dreams. If you want to chase them with me, leave a message.”
  12. “Hi there, this is [Your Name]. Sorry, I can’t answer right now; I’m on an epic adventure… in my living room. Please leave a message.”
  13. “Thank you for calling [Your Name]. Please leave your name, number, and a brief justification for the interruption.”
  14. “Hello, you’ve reached [Your Name]’s phone. I’m not here right now because I’m looking for it. Help me out and leave a message, so it makes a sound!”
  15. “You have reached the voicemail of [Your Name]. I’m currently either saving the world or binge-watching Netflix. Guess which one and leave your message.”
  16. “Hi, this is [Your Name]. I’ve lost my phone again. If you find it, please give it back. Meanwhile, leave me a message.”
  17. “Hey, you’ve reached the voicemail of [Your Name]. If this is regarding the cookies that disappeared from the office kitchen, I plead the fifth. For everything else, leave a message.”
  18. “Greetings, traveler! You’ve reached the domain of [Your Name]. I’m currently on a quest for coffee. Declare your purpose after the beep.”
  19. “You’ve reached [Your Name]. I’m either swamped with work or I’m ignoring someone (it could be you). Roll the dice and leave a message!”
  20. “Hello, this is [Your Name]’s voicemail. If you’re calling to borrow money, I just went deaf. Everyone else, leave a message.”
  21. “Hey there, it’s [Your Name]. If you’re calling to invite me to a party, the answer is yes. If it’s to help you move, the answer is no. For all other inquiries, leave a message.”
  22. “Hi! This is [Your Name]’s phone. He/She doesn’t live here, I do. But don’t worry, I’ll pass on any messages.”
  23. “Hey! You’ve reached [Your Name]. If this is my future self, did we ever get that flying car we wanted? Everyone else, beep away!”
  24. “Hello, it’s [Your Name] here. I’m currently making some life choices. If you think yours might sway me, leave a message.”
  25. “Hi, you’ve reached [Your Name]. I’m on a mission to see how long I can avoid real-life responsibilities. Join me by leaving a message.”
  26. “Hello, caller! If you were a pizza, you’d be deep dish. But since you’re not, just leave a message.”
  27. “This is [Your Name]. I’m out hunting for unicorns and Bigfoot. If you’re not one of them, leave a message.”
  28. “Welcome to [Your Name]’s voicemail spa! Take a deep breath, relax, and leave a soothing message after the tone.”
  29. “Hello! If you’re calling to tell me I’ve won the lottery, you’re my new best friend! If not, leave a message and try again next time.”
  30. “You’ve reached [Your Name]’s existential crisis hotline. Why are we here? What is our purpose? Ponder these questions or leave a message, whichever you prefer.”

Remember, these are meant to be light-hearted and fun, so use them with the appropriate audience! Adjust any of the greetings to suit your personal style or situation.